How Much Do Adult Friendships Matter?
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You ever have one of those moments where you realize your best conversations happen with your dog? Or you go to text someone exciting news and pause because you’re not sure who to tell that would get it? Maybe you have a parent, child, or partner who truly cares about you, but will they really share your excitement over finally nailing a tricky yoga pose, discovering a niche podcast about psychological thrillers, or creating the perfect caption for a cute Instagram story on your business page?
Making and maintaining friendships as an adult is hard. Between work, family obligations, and just trying to get enough sleep, friendships often take a backseat. But the truth is, our connections with friends do more than just fill up our social calendars. Research shows that strong, supportive friendships can improve our mental health, reduce stress, and even increase our lifespan. In a world that often glorifies independence, it turns out that having your people is one of the best things you can do for your well-being.
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Friendship: Not Just for Kids and Sitcoms
When we’re younger, friendships happen naturally. You sit next to someone in class, you like the same band, and boom—you’re inseparable. But adulthood? No assigned seating. No recess. And let’s be honest, if we tried to make friends the way kids do, we’d probably just make things awkward. Walking up to a random person and asking, “Wanna be friends?” doesn’t have the same ring to it anymore.
But the benefits of friendship don’t disappear just because we’ve grown up. In fact, they might matter even more now. So before you write off adult friendships as optional, let’s take a closer look at why they’re more important than we think.
The Science of Friendship (Yes, It’s a Thing)
Studies show that strong friendships improve both mental and physical health. Having close connections can:
Reduce stress – Social support helps lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone), making challenges feel more manageable. Sometimes, you just need to vent about life’s chaos to someone who won’t judge you (or tell you to “just relax”).
Improve heart health – Research published in Scientific Reports found that people with strong social relationships tend to have lower blood pressure and a reduced risk of cardiovascular disease. In contrast, loneliness has been linked to increased inflammation and a higher likelihood of heart attacks and strokes. Some studies even suggest that social connection plays a bigger role in longevity than obesity and physical inactivity.
Boost longevity – A widely cited study in PLOS Medicine found that lacking social connections can be as harmful to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. In other words, friendships don’t just add joy to life—they add years!
Increase happiness – Sharing good news with someone who actually cares is priceless! But beyond that, friendships play a key role in emotional regulation. Through co-regulation, our nervous systems sync with those around us, meaning a reassuring friend can literally help calm your body and lift your mood.
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And let’s not forget: Friends help you avoid bad decisions. A true friend will gently suggest that maybe you don’t need that third cup of coffee at 4 PM. Or that texting your ex is, in fact, a terrible idea. They’re also the ones who nudge you toward the things that actually serve you—encouraging you to finally start therapy, reminding you that it’s okay to say no, and empowering you to set boundaries that protect your peace.
The Unspoken Struggle of Making Friends as an Adult
With all these benefits in mind, you’d think we’d all have strong social circles, but that’s not the case. According to a CDC report, nearly one in three adults in the U.S. report feeling lonely, and about one in four lack social and emotional support. Clearly, making and keeping friends isn’t as simple or straightforward as we might hope.
The truth is, making new friends as an adult is work. It takes effort, time, and—let’s be real—putting on pants and leaving the house. That’s no small ask.
But even though it’s harder, it’s worth it. Good friends remind us who we are outside of our responsibilities. They give us a space where we don’t have to be just someone’s parent, boss, spouse, or caregiver. We can just be.
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Making Friends as an Adult When Childhood Friendships Left Scars
If you’ve ever been bullied, excluded, or betrayed by peers, it’s natural to feel hesitant about friendships. Early wounds can make it hard to trust others. A part of you may still hesitate to open up, question people’s true intentions, or instinctively keep your guard up to avoid being hurt again.
But consider this: adult friendships can feel very different from childhood ones. Unlike childhood friendships that often formed by default, adulthood offers more autonomy (and maturity!). You’re no longer stuck in the same classroom, lunch table, or social circles. You’ve grown. You know yourself better. And so do other adults. Friendships now form based on shared values, mutual interests, and genuine connection—not just proximity or convenience.
For many, the friendships formed in adulthood can be profoundly healing. They provide the chance to experience social connections built on respect, trust, and true understanding—things you may not have had the opportunity to experience before. It’s a way to rewrite the story, proving to yourself that friendships can be safe, supportive, and deeply fulfilling.
How to Actually Make and Keep Friends (Without Feeling Like You’re Back on the Playground)
If you’re feeling a little disconnected, here are some ways to build or strengthen friendships:
Reach out first. Yeah, it’s awkward, but most people appreciate when someone makes the effort. A simple text or an invite to coffee can go a long way. Worst case? They’re busy. Best case? You just opened the door to a great connection.
Show up. Friendships need time and consistency—kind of like watering a plant before it blooms. Invest in the relationship, even when life gets busy. Make plans, and actually keep them. (Yes, even when Netflix is calling your name.)
Find common ground. Join a class, attend events, or volunteer. Even the quirkiest interests or hobbies have a community out there. You’d be surprised how many people would love to geek out over the same thing with you!
Be a good friend. Listen. Support. Celebrate their wins. Friendships aren’t transactions; they’re built on genuine care. The best relationships feel mutual; both people show up for each other, not just when it’s convenient.
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A Reminder for the Overthinkers
If you’ve ever convinced yourself that someone secretly doesn’t like you or that you’re the only one struggling to keep friendships going—pause. Most people are busy, tired, and dealing with their own stuff. That friend who hasn’t texted back? They may be caught up in life; it doesn’t necessarily mean they hate you.
That said, there’s a difference between overthinking someone’s behavior and recognizing a pattern. If you’re always the one reaching out, making plans, or keeping the connection alive while they rarely reciprocate, it’s okay to take that at face value. It doesn’t mean you did something wrong—it just might not be the right fit, or they may not have the bandwidth for a friendship right now. Either way, try not to take it personally.
Making friends is a bit of a numbers game. Not everyone you meet will turn into a genuine friendship, and that’s not a reflection of your worth. So if one connection fades, don’t let it stop you from trying again. There are plenty of people out there looking for the same kind of meaningful friendships you are.
Final Thoughts: It’s Worth the Effort
Friendship in adulthood takes more work, but it also carries more meaning. The best friendships are the ones where you can go months without talking and then pick up right where you left off. The ones where you can be fully yourself—messy, emotional, weird, and all—and still be met with love.
So if you’ve been thinking about a friend lately, send them a message. Make plans. Strengthen that connection. Because at the end of the day, life is just better with good people in it. And meaningful friendships don’t just happen; they’re created with intention.
Want to dive deeper into mental health, relationships, and personal growth? Follow me on Instagram or Threads, or visit Graceful Mind Therapy to learn more about how I can help you build deeper, healthier connections in your life.
by Maria Perdomo-Torres, LCSW-S, MHA, CFSW
