Navigating Difficult Personalities During the Holidays

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The holidays can bring joy, connection, and cherished traditions. But let’s be real — they can also bring challenging personalities to the forefront. Whether it’s the relative who loves to offer unsolicited "advice," the family member who stirs up drama, or the friend whose negativity drains the room, navigating these dynamics can feel overwhelming. Add in the emotional weight of the season, and it’s easy to feel stressed, hurt, or even resentful.

If you’ve ever dreaded a holiday gathering because of someone else’s behavior, you’re not alone. So, how can you take care of yourself while still engaging (or not engaging) with these challenging personalities? Here are a few ideas to help you get through the season with a bit more peace of mind.

1. Set Your Boundaries Before You Go

One of the biggest stressors with difficult personalities is feeling caught off guard. Maybe it’s your aunt’s invasive questions about your personal life or a sibling’s subtle put-downs that make your chest tighten. Whatever it is, think ahead about what you’re willing (and not willing) to tolerate.

You don’t have to announce your boundaries to everyone, but you can make quiet decisions for yourself: “I’ll politely redirect the conversation if aunt Linda starts prying.” Or, “If things get heated, I’ll step outside for a breather.” Setting boundaries is not about controlling others but protecting your own peace.

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2. Have an Ally or Support Person

If there’s someone you trust at the gathering, consider proactively asking them to have your back. This might mean helping keep conversations light, steering things away from tension, or even stepping in to distract you if a situation becomes uncomfortable. Sometimes, just knowing someone is in your corner can make all the difference.

3. Have an Exit Strategy

Sometimes, the best way to handle a challenging situation is to step away. If you know a particular gathering might feel like too much, plan your arrival and departure ahead of time. You can let the host know you’ll be leaving early or schedule something afterward as a natural out.

Even if you stay the whole time, micro-exits can help, too. Step into another room to regroup, take a walk, or text a friend who understands. These small breaks can make all the difference in preserving your emotional energy.

4. Don’t Take the Bait

You might feel pressure to respond to every comment, especially if it’s hurtful or aimed directly at you. But here’s a little secret: you don’t have to engage. When someone says something provocative or out of line, it’s okay to take a breath and let it slide.

Think of it as conserving your energy. You don’t need to “win” or prove anything to anyone. Silence, a smile, or even a quick subject change can sometimes be the most powerful tools in your arsenal.

5. Focus on What Matters Most

It’s easy to let one person’s behavior overshadow everything else, but the holidays are about more than that. Shift your focus to the moments, people, and activities that bring you joy. Maybe it’s spending time with your nieces and nephews, indulging in your favorite dessert, or finding a quiet corner to watch the lights twinkle.

When you prioritize what truly matters, the challenging personalities tend to shrink in significance. They’re still there, sure, but they don’t define your experience.

6. Give Yourself Permission to Say No

Sometimes, the best way to navigate a difficult situation is to avoid it altogether. It’s okay to skip a gathering if it feels too toxic or draining. You don’t have to put yourself in situations that compromise your mental health.

If declining isn’t an option, remember that showing up doesn’t mean you have to give all of yourself. It’s perfectly okay to keep your interactions brief, stay on the outskirts, or simply leave when you’ve had enough.

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A Gentle Reminder

Navigating difficult personalities during the holidays isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. Remember that you have the power to protect your peace, even in challenging situations. Whether it’s through setting boundaries, taking breaks, or choosing not to engage, you’re allowed to prioritize yourself.

Therapy can be a safe space to process those feelings and build skills to navigate challenges more confidently. At Graceful Mind Therapy, I specialize in helping women find balance, set boundaries, and heal emotionally. Reach out if you’re ready to put yourself first.

And if the holidays leave you feeling drained or uncertain, that’s okay, too. Be kind to yourself, and know that it’s perfectly normal to feel a mix of emotions this time of year. Take it one moment at a time, and lean into what makes the season meaningful for you.

You’ve got this.

by Maria Perdomo-Torres, LCSW-S, MHA, CFSW