What Is Your Money Attachment Style (And Why Should You Care)?

Photo by Andresr | iStock

'Tis the season of giving! As we enter this holiday season and the year comes to a close, it’s a perfect time to reflect on our financial health. The once-taboo topic of financial wellness has been trending over recent years—and for good reason. Just like physical, emotional, social, or spiritual health, financial health is an integral part of your overall wellbeing. Let’s explore how understanding your relationship with money can transform your life.

Money is deeply emotional; in fact, research shows that up to 90% of financial decisions are driven by emotions, not logic. Understanding our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions surrounding money can literally transform our lives. Just as we strive to have a healthy relationship with people, food, and our own bodies, it's equally important to cultivate a healthy relationship with money.

What Are Money Attachment Styles?

Similar to how attachment styles shape how we relate to people, they also influence how we interact with money. Experts generally identify four primary money attachment styles that describe how people tend to view and behave around money:

1. Avoidant (Money Ostrich): You tend to ignore or avoid financial matters, perhaps out of fear or discomfort, and hope that things will work themselves out. You may avoid budgeting, saving, or discussing finances, which could lead to financial instability.

Photo by Stefanamer | iStock

2. Anxious (Money Worrier): You often stress about money, constantly checking accounts or feeling preoccupied with whether you are doing enough in the form of saving, budgeting, investing for retirement, etc. Even when finances are stable, worrying about “what-ifs” can create unnecessary tension.

3. Disorganized (Money Roller Coaster): Your financial habits are erratic and swing between extremes, such as impulsive spending followed by periods of intense guilt or regret, wanting to compensate by making or saving a lot of money very quickly.

4. Secure (Money Balanced): You have a healthy relationship with money, managing it thoughtfully and aligning financial decisions with your values. You value money and use it responsibly, without getting overly attached to it.

But let’s go a little deeper. Where do these attachment styles come from? Who or what is feeding them? This would be the first layer you need to peel, if you find yourself wanting to break free from an unhealthy attachment to money.

Unhealthy attachment styles often stem from "money scripts"—deeply ingrained core beliefs formed during impactful early-life experiences. These money scripts connect past experiences to present financial behaviors, many times without conscious awareness.

Four Money Scripts

Money scripts are the subconscious beliefs that dictate how we think, feel, and act around money. They’re not inherently good or bad, but if they become rigid or excessive, that’s when they can cause problems. Here are the four common money scripts and tips to navigate them, if you suspect you might rely a little too heavily on any given script:

1. Money Status

Believing that self-worth is directly tied to net worth or financial status. People with this script often feel driven to spend or show off wealth to gain validation. This might lead to overspending, just to appear wealthier or more successful.

Photo by Jon Ly | Unsplash

Tip: Reflect on what truly makes you feel valued beyond material wealth. Practice gratitude for non-monetary aspects of life.

2. Money Worship

Viewing money as the solution to all problems and the key to happiness. Individuals may believe that making a certain amount of money will finally make them happy, leading to a never-ending chase as their self-imposed bar keeps shifting.

Tip: Set clear boundaries around work and money. While money can provide comfort and security, it’s not the end all be all for happiness. Focus on cultivating joy and satisfaction in your life as it is now, rather than tying it to a specific monetary goal.

3. Money Avoidance

Believing that money is bad, corrupt, or undeserved. This mindset sits on the opposite end of the spectrum from money worship, as it negates the importance and positive potential of money. People with this script may feel "too spiritual for money" or guilty about earning money. They may struggle with the idea of wanting or accumulating wealth…Where are my fellow therapists at? (Therapists are the #1 profession prone to this mindset, which I’m passionate about changing, but I’ve digressed).

Tip: Challenge negative beliefs about money. Educate yourself on financial matters and seek support if needed to build a healthier relationship with money. A couple of great books to help you deconstruct your negative core beliefs about money are, You’re a Badass at Making Money and The Soul of Money: Transforming your Relationship with Money and Life.

4. Money Vigilance

Believing that financial caution is essential, which may lead to excessive saving or denying yourself enjoyment. You may fear financial insecurity and avoid spending, even when the expenses are, as the IRS likes to say, ordinary and necessary.

Tip: Reassess your financial goals to allow room for balance and flexibility. It’s okay to spend on things that align with your values and bring joy. Try creating a 'fun money' budget for guilt-free splurges on things that bring you joy.

To learn more about your money script, consider taking Klontz Money Script Inventory-Revised (KMSI-R) quiz, which has been empirically validated.

Conclusion

Financial health isn't solely about accumulating wealth; it's about making financial decisions that align with your personal values and needs. It’s about feeling confident and at ease with your finances, rather than overwhelmed or ashamed. Understanding your attachment style and money scripts empowers you to take control of your financial story, reclaim peace of mind, and open the doors to a more fulfilling life.

As a certified financial social worker, I support clients in building healthier, more confident relationships with money. If you’re ready to overcome financial trauma or emotional roadblocks to money, I’m here to help. Let’s take that journey together!

by Maria Perdomo-Torres, LCSW-S, MHA, CFSW