7 Tips for Coping with Social Anxiety

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Have you ever felt your heart race at the thought of introducing yourself to a group? Or avoided a social event because you were worried about saying the “wrong” thing? Do you often replay conversations in your head, convinced you came across awkward or foolish?

If any of this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing social anxiety—a deeply challenging condition that goes beyond shyness or introversion. While introverts might prefer their own company to a room full of people, or find small talk quite draining or unfulfilling (if that’s you, hello, fellow introvert…I see you!), social anxiety is something different. It’s an intense fear of being judged, scrutinized, or rejected in social settings, often to the point that it interferes with daily life.

Social anxiety can feel like carrying around an invisible weight. Everyday interactions that seem effortless to others—making small talk with a neighbor, speaking up at work, or even calling a restaurant to ask about their hours—can feel overwhelming and leave you second-guessing every word you say. The fear can lead to avoiding social interactions altogether, missing out on opportunities, or struggling to form meaningful connections.

If you’ve felt this way, you’re not alone! Social anxiety is more common than you might think, and the good news is, there are strategies that can help. Let’s explore seven practical tips to manage social anxiety and build confidence in social settings.

1. Start Small and Build Gradually

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Facing social anxiety can feel overwhelming, so start with small, manageable steps. Instead of forcing yourself into a big social event, begin with low-pressure situations. For example, if group settings feel daunting, try chatting with one person. If speaking up in meetings terrifies you, start by sharing a brief comment in a smaller team setting.

Think of it like building a muscle. You wouldn’t start weightlifting with the heaviest dumbbell, right? Give yourself permission to take things at your own pace. Celebrate small victories, no matter how minor they seem. Over time, these wins build confidence for bigger challenges.

2. Shift the Focus Off Yourself

Social anxiety often makes you hyper-aware of yourself. You might think, What if I say the wrong thing? What if everyone notices my nervousness? The truth? Most people are too busy thinking about themselves to notice your slip-ups.

To shift your focus outward:

• Look for something specific in the room, like counting how many people are wearing blue. This keeps your mind engaged and away from self-critical thoughts.

• Focus on helping others feel welcome. Greet someone, give a compliment, or share a kind word. Research shows that making others comfortable boosts your sense of belonging.

• Look or listen for common ground, like a shared interest or experience. This shifts focus from trying to impress, to making a genuine connection.

When you redirect your attention, you’ll notice your anxiety easing.

3. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Social anxiety often plants worst-case scenarios in your mind: Everyone will think I’m boring. They’ll notice how awkward I am. These thoughts might feel true, but they’re often exaggerated.

When negative thoughts arise, ask yourself:

• Is this thought 100% true…Do I know this for a fact or am I making assumptions?

• What evidence do I have for or against this belief?

• How would I respond if a friend shared this thought?

By questioning your thoughts, you can reframe them. For instance, “They’ll think I’m boring” might become “They’re probably not even focused on me.”

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Social anxiety can feel isolating. After a social interaction, you might replay it in your head, picking apart everything you said and did. Beating yourself up for feeling this way only reinforces the anxiety.

Instead, practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that everyone feels nervous or awkward sometimes. It’s part of being human. It doesn’t make you less worthy or lovable. Try reframing self-critical thoughts to, “I showed up, and that’s enough.” Being kind to yourself isn’t just a nice idea; it’s a powerful tool for growth.

5. Prepare, but Don’t Overprepare

Preparation can be helpful, but overpreparing can backfire. It’s natural to want to prepare for situations that might make you anxious, but there’s a fine line between preparation and overthinking. Rehearsing every word or planning for every possible scenario can increase anxiety when things don’t go as expected.

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Instead, think of a few general topics you’re comfortable discussing, like a recent show, a hobby, or an upcoming event. This gives you a starting point without the pressure of sticking to a script. Remember, conversations are unpredictable—and that’s okay. Trust yourself to respond naturally in the moment, even if it’s not perfect.

6. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Social anxiety activates your fight-or-flight response, leaving you tense and on edge. Mindfulness and relaxation techniques can calm your nervous system and reduce physical symptoms of anxiety. It can also show your body that the situation you are in is not threatening or dangerous.

Before or during a social interaction, try:

• Deep Breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat until calm.

• Grounding Exercises: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.

• Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense and release muscle groups, starting from your toes and moving upward.

  These practices help you feel grounded and in control.

7. Seek Support

You don’t have to navigate social anxiety alone. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide valuable support. A therapist can help identify triggers, challenge unhelpful thought patterns, and develop tailored strategies.

Seeking support isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a step toward growth and learning to face social situations with confidence. Therapy can help you understand and work with your anxiety.

Don’t let fear hold you back from the life you want to live. Building a support system and reaching out for help are courageous steps toward creating a life filled with connection, opportunities, and confidence. You deserve to thrive.

Final Thoughts: You’re More Than Your Anxiety

Social anxiety might feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t define you. You’re a resilient person with strengths, talents, and a unique story to share.

With small steps, mindfulness, and the right support, social anxiety can become manageable. Every effort you make is a testament to your resilience and strength.

Start small. Practice a grounding technique, reach out to someone you trust, or consider exploring therapy. Each step—no matter how small—is progress.

For more tips and support, connect with me on Instagram or Threads, or visit my website at Graceful Mind Therapy to learn how I can help. You have so much to offer the world. Let’s face social anxiety together, one step at a time.

by Maria Perdomo-Torres, LCSW-S, MHA, CFSW